i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
