just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
