didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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