Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
