I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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