Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
