I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
