dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
