i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
