Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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