you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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