I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
