I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize