There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
