I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
