Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
