Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
