4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize