I should be sponsored by Trojan
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
