Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
