Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
