We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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