I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Im part way to drunk.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
