Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
