Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
