He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
