apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
