Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
