I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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