My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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