I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
