I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
