i think my tv is drunk
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
