What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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