Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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