I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
