Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
