Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Enjoy the penises
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
