You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
