Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
