He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
