I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
