Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The Olympian is in my bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize