I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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