I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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