uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
