theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
