He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
