My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
wow bdsm is so cute
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize