I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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