Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
