my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
