Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
