you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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