i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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