I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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