just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can you repeat that, but with context?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
