After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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