Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
