i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
