yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize