I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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