And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
