Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
