The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
