She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Im part way to drunk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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